Use your proper bat next time, eh?

This time last year, Matthew Hayden had, quite plaintively, gone barebat. Now our favourite pigeon-chested, gum-chewing tough guy has a deal, and it's the deal everyone is talking about. He's only gone and called for the Mongoose. And what's more, he's had the minerals to call for the original Mongoose, too, the little one, as opposed to the full-sized bats they're now making.

It's been interesting, and a little complex. The first time that Haydos issued the call [and surely it's only a matter of time before Mongoose provide him with some sort of pocket-sized Viking horn which he can blow when he wants it brought out], he bludgeoned five fours and seven sixes from the next 34 balls he faced. The second time he pulled it out, for the highly entertaining super over between CSK and Punjab yesterday, he was knocked over first ball, a ball he missed by a spectacular and not undisturbing distance.

First the obvious point. The Mongoose is not aimed at a player like Matthew Hayden, who can clear any boundary on earth with a regular bat and thus need not increase his risk. Until Lalit Modi decides to reward big shots with runs commensurate to the distance hit [oh, it'll happen...], the only value Hayden gained was novelty. The trajectory of his hits seemed slightly shallower, the forward momentum slightly greater, not unlike a punched iron shot in golf. He also selected his moment well, a flat low pitch on a day where pitching short was even more fraught with risk for the bowler. On those terms, it was a marketing stunt, nothing more. Unless you have an eye like Hayden's the bat remains essentially useless, or at least disadvantageous, in a match situation.

In short [and it is short], it's a very IPL bat. And yet a new piece of kit is teaching an old lesson. Hayden's power with the Mongoose came from the batspeed. The long handle helped, but the force of the hit came from the overall lightness of the bat. If the club player is to draw some value from the Mongoose, it's that weight is key. There's no point in having a bat so heavy you can't swing it fast. It's nothing new. As WG said of his first coach, his uncle Pocock, 'he made sure I had a bat to suit my strength'. 

What would be truly interesting would be to see Hayden using a full-size blade of around 2lbs 7oz. My guess is he'd hit it as far as the Mongoose. There's another interesting bat about to come onto the market, the Joker. It is more traditional in shape, but with the kind of profile you'd find on John Holmes in tight shorts. It weighs 2lbs 8ozs, and I guess [again] that it is the VHS to the Mongoose's Betamax. 

A final thought. If I was captaining against Hayden, I'd have the bowler try and knock his head off, and not bother about him being called for no balls. That'd be controversial, and Lalit would love it, of course... 

Phil Space writes again

How to argue your way into something and then back out of it when you've got 700 words to file and not much to go on.

NB: Yes, it's the Mongoose, which has now generated approximately 2,105% more column inches than it has scored runs. 

Thick as a brick

Okay, I was almost ready to entertain the counter-intuitive concept of the Mongoose, the bat that Stuart Law reckons will 'take the world by storm'.

It all looked vaguely plausible as Stuey waved it around in the nets, and then Mongoose brought out their second advocate. It was er, Devon Malcolm.

Devon Malcolm: 40 Tests, 236 runs, ave 6.05; 304 first class matches, 1985 runs, ave 7.84; batting described on cricinfo as 'court jester standard'.

NB: Manufacturers sense opportunity in T20 like everyone else. The Mongoose follows Gray-Nicolls' Dual T20, a bat with a use no-one has yet figured out. There will be no one-size fits all 'revolution' because bats are individual things serving idiosyncratic users. The inventor of the Mongoose has just been on Sky News. He used to be a marketing man. That figures, somehow. 

Breaking: Ceci finds rare image of Devon at the crease. Must have been shot on a fast exposure.