And Matthew listened and was glad it was the tomato plant that spake with him and not Andrew Hilditch.
'Dress in new robes and head forth to give my words to the world,' the tomato bush said, and then it burst into flames that rose into the sky.
And Matthew put on his new robes, which were not of green and gold but of grey, and they did not have upon them the logos of KFC or Travelex.
And pilgrim Ricky sat with him as he spoke, and Ricky did still wear the cap of KFC and this gave Matthew comfort.
'What will you do now,' asked those who he had once outcast, and he said to them, 'tonight I shall appear in a chariot of blue before the crowds at Woolloongabba. And I shall speak with them and tell them that I shall lift my bat once more for the Chennai Super Kings.
And then I shall remember stories of the years of Justin and of Shane and Glenn, and of Adam and before him of Steve and Mark and others. And those stories shall be called 'Matthew Hayden: The Autobiography'. And the crowds shall buy it.
And then I shall walk into the wilderness, which they know as the outback, and I shall tell them to follow me. And Pilgrim Roy will bring fishes with him, and I will take them and make them feed fifty, with barbecue sauce.
And I will cast my board upon the water, and they shall remember me and the things I have done, and the story of the tomato bush.