The Inaugural Worst Test XI

Still on the subject of the venerable old book, Wisden introduces a Test XI of the year, an excellent innovation. Here it is: V Sehwag, GC Smith, RT Ponting, SR Tendulkar, KP Pietersen, S Chanderpaul, MS Dhoni, Harbhajan Singh, MG Johnson, DW Steyn, Zaheer Khan.

It's hard to take issue with that little lot, although Ronnie Sarwan and Gautam Gambhir might count themselves unlucky. But who could possibly give these titans a game? Out there somewhere, are there men keen enough of eye and stout enough of heart?

Er yeah, probably. But that would be dull. What about the team who have utterly failed to distinguish themselves, except in the arena of the mediocre? What about the over-promoted and the under achievers? Who speaks for the demotivated and the unfit, the shirkers and the talent-fritterers, the nearly-men and the never should have been theres? Who makes that team, and who could possibly be irresponsible enough to captain them? 

Presenting the Inaugural Old Batsman Worst Test XI 2009

JM How (NZ)

DS Smith (WI)

IR Bell (Eng)

RO Hinds (WI)

Yuvraj Singh (Ind)

A Symonds (captain, Aus)

MJ Prior (wk, Eng)

RJ Sidebottom (Eng)

DBL Powell (WI)

BE McGain (Aus)

SJ Harmison (Eng)

Notes on selection: There's a nicely balanced opening partnership between two men who rarely make more than twenty, followed by the great fritterer Bell, who can outdo anyone at getting in before getting out again. Hinds edges out Michael Vaughan at four on the grounds that Vaughan was slightly better in the nets, if not the middle. It's been another year of soft runs and glorious underachievement for everyone's favourite princeling Yuvraj, while Symonds has all the people and media skills required of the modern captain. Prior might actually score tough runs, but the poor fella has iron gloves. The bowling unit is particularly choice. Sidebottom can bowl stroppily at 80mph having unilaterally declared himself fit. Daren Powell has a majestic Test average of 47.85 [it's a bowling average, of course] while SJ Harmison was a natural to complete a side in which, potentially, no-one could take the new ball. The spinner's slot was dominated by Australia, with Hauritz particularly innocuous. But if this team has a hero, it is Bryce McGain. There was something noble about his Test debut. Over-promoted he may be, but he's the one man here who can hold his head high. Good on yer, Bryce.