Monday 20 September 2010

Ijaz Butt: A Statement

Ijaz Butt today unveiled what he called 'incontrovertible evidence' that England players had been paid to lose games.

'It's quite clear for all to see,' he said. 'In the 1990s, an organisation called the England and Wales Cricket Board began paying players like Mike Atherton, Alec Stewart and Darren Gough huge sums every year to lose series after series. They did so quite openly. Australian people used to laugh at them because of it.'

'I can prove it all. The ECB then began using a character called Duncan Fletcher as a middleman between themselves and the players. Fletcher stayed in hotels with them night after night and he instructed them to begin winning. This they did, and men like Andrew Flintoff made even more money on and off the field. It's obvious. I'll be telling the ICC all about it.'

NB: In other sporting news, Butt revealed evidence that the famous and much loved drinker Ricky Hatton had been seen pursuing a career in boxing. 'For several months Hatton would cease being an alcoholic altogether, and these periods would conclude with him being involved in a boxing match. He tried to pull the wool over my eyes by drinking heavily again immediately afterwards, but I saw it. I keep my eye on all of sport...'


Dean @ Cricket Betting Blog said...

Good post, I like the line about the ECB getting Gough, Atherton etc to continually lose series.

It does bring back bad memories of a bad era, like having to watch people of the ability of Chris Lewis playing for England.

I was just listening to Ronnie O'Sullivan having another whinge about how hard life is playing snooker.

Since he is sick of snooker, maybe we should put him in charge of the ECB and let him deal with Ijaz Butthead, the two of them should be on a similar level of madness.

Anonymous said...

Who is nuttier? Ijaz Butt or Shahid Afridi?

Though thinking about it, I'm sure Butt would do far weirder things on a pitch than mere ball-biting.

namya said...

Many of those fixed losers continue to be paid to commentate