Facing 'Warne' - one last time for Shane

Warnie bowls his final four overs today. The eulogies have already been written, so no need for another. Instead, here's what it was like to face him, or at least to face Merlyn, the bowling machine which was programmed to replicate him. England used Merlyn in 2005. This happened a year later down in Wales, in a sports hall, with Merlyn's creator, Henry Pryor, and his son, Matt at the controls...

Facing Warne

[With apologies to those who slogged through it when it first went up].

Sound advice

Tiger Woods finally meets the man who can guide him through this crisis...

Being aware of Shane Warne's awareness

Warnie's back in the commentary box at Lord's after doing all his chips at the World Series of Poker. And he's brought a new phrase with him: 'match awareness'.

Unsurprisingly, Mike Hussey was best at match awareness, showing it when he clobbered Danish Kaneria for a six and four to take the pressure off Tim Paine, who was becalmed on debut; and when he kept nicking the strike.

Mohammad Asif was the worst at it, because he was allowing Hussey singles with his slacker fielding.

So, 'match awareness'. Expect all of the Sky Boys to be using it before long. It's when you do something good or bad, in a match situation.

NB: Asif's fielding was slack by world standards. By Pakistan's standards, it was perfectly acceptable. It's another reason to love Pakistan - they don't give a toss about fielding. It's for squares [let's introduce the term 'square fielding' for one of those long sprints around the boundary followed by a dive that rakes the ball back into play, forcing you to run after it again before you can throw it in, saving an absolute maximum of one run: 'that was a terrific bit of square fielding down at third man by Ian Bell...'].

Great areas, Shane...

Shane Warne's deconstruction of the IPL is here, and it's worth reading. The Old Batsman's in en route. When I get minute...

Alec and Fred

Talking to my dad yesterday whilst savouring the enduring mastery and mystery of Warne - all the more bittersweet for not knowing how many more times we'll see it - he mentioned Alec Bedser.

My dad said he met him once, when he had a day at Lord's in a freebie box. He was walking down the corridor, some distance from the exit, and noticed Bedser ahead of him. At the door, Bedser stopped, held it open, raised his hat and spent a few minutes talking about the cricket before parting with a cheery 'good morning'.

That same day, he saw that other great quick man, Frederick Sewards Trueman, in the next box along. He asked him for an autograph to give to me. Trueman looked him up and down. 'Not bloody now...' he said.

Somehow, we agreed, the story makes you like both of them more...

NB: Warne finished freaking out Deccan just as the Tiger Woods presser started on Sky Sports News. It struck me that Woods possesses that same quality Warne does: when push comes to shove, they know they're going to win, you know that they know they're going to win, and they know that you know that they know they're going to win. As Warnie's proven many times, the odd sex-text scandal isn't enough to dispell it...

Harbhajan Singh and the divine power of willow

Last year it was Sreesanth. This year it was Deccan that felt the implacable wrath of Harbhajan Singh [surely it's no coincidence that the name A. Symonds appeared on their team sheet]. His 18-ball 49 was the kind of innings that provoked a deep, chesty laugh and a shit-eating grin. 

For those who believe in the divining [and divine] power of willow, he was using a bat given to him by Sachin. That thing must have some universal vibes pulsing through it. But beyond that, Harbhajan is an example of a rarely discussed and probably underrated phenomenon, the bowler who can bat. 

It's a genre of its own, distinct from the bowling all-rounder [a group  that includes players like Graeme Swann and Daniel Vettori]. It's populated by men who came into the game to bowl, but then - by stealth, utilising a natural talent and via experience - batting ability, and often flair, asserts itself.

It's not usually measurable by average because performances will probably be sporadic and also late-flowering, meaning there is an early career's worth of stats to overcome. Bhaji's Test average is 16.86, his ODI 12.93. Shane Warne, a prime example of the breed, averaged 17.32 in Tests and 13.05 in ODIs; another goodie, Malcolm Marshall, averaged 18.85 in Tests and 14.92 in ODIs. In first-class cricket, you might pick out a player like John Emburey, who ended his career with seven first class hundreds, and ten Test fifties. 

All are or were dangerous. They have or had a little more to their batting than just tail-end hitting. It's a genre that, in T20 cricket and all of its freedoms, is likely to expand, because that style of batting is well-suited to a clear eye and a swing freed up by the lack of expectation. 

Not done yet

When Muhammad Ali fought Joe Frazier for the third time in Manila, as Frazier hit Ali with another thunderous left, Ali said, 'They told me you were finished Joe'.

'They lied,' was Smokin' Joe's reply.

The great ones usually find something even as the fire glows rather than burns, just as Shane Warne did yesterday in Ahmedabad. He's almost ready to let go - just not quite yet.

NB: Maybe it's the poems Mandira Bedi's writing for him...

Rajasthan 92 'Best innings ever' says Warnie

Shane Warne has called Rajasthan Royals' 92 all out against Royal Challengers Bangalore yesterday 'the best innings I've ever seen'.

The greatest bowler of his generation said, 'Believe me, I've played in the Australian team that lost the Ashes, seen India beat us after following on, watched England collapse hundreds of times but none match this. The Royals are leading the way once again'.

After Bangalore knocked off the 92 in 10 overs, Warne was heard muttering that Jacques Kallis was 'the fattest cricketer I've ever bowled to'.

Later he twittered that the Rajasthan Royals baseball cap would now be known as 'the Baggy Blue'.

 

Matty Hayden walks the earth: the Ashes media, mano et mano

'Ah Paris... marvellous. The Louvre... walking up the hill to Montmartre. Fabulous city...'

Matthew Hayden paused. 'One of the great pleasures of coming over here is getting the chance to go to historic places like that.'

And one of the great, and unexpected pleasures of the summer was Matthew Hayden, who split his time between Test Match Special and the Channel Five highlights show, and who, like Kwai Chang Kane, has apparently put aside worldly things to walk the earth instead.

'I went walking around London last night,' he said. 'Summer's night, strolling around the streets, stopping at a couple of pubs for a beer... wonderful'.

For some reason, when I pictured Haydos doing this, he was in his cricket gear, too. And barefoot. As England tipped the balance of the Oval Test by running out Punter and Clarke in consecutive overs, he welcomed Jim Maxwell to the mic by saying, 'Good on ya Jim, I feel like I need another Aussie here at this point. I'm quite emotional...'

The new caring, sharing Hayden still had his sharp side, most notably in his now famous spat with Geoffrey. 

'Your batting emptied grounds, mate,' he said, no doubt out of the side of his mouth while still mentally at first slip. 

Exit Geoffrey, muttering. But thankfully not for long. Boycott got every prediction he made wrong this summer, but that's because they were almost always based on the kind of sound logic that the series refused to obey.

TMS has copped some flak, but the mix of Haydos, Geoffrey and Phil Tufnell made it a joy to listen to. Tufnell is as self-effacing as the two great batsmen are proud. Asked about his greatest fear, while others waffled about planes and spiders, Tuffers deadpanned: 'Mark Waugh'.

Sky opted for Warne as their resident legend, and once you got past the teeth - surely some kind of spin-off from NASA research - he was worth what must have been a reassuringly expensive fee. The real difference in his commentary came in his willingness to stick his neck on the line and call the play. Sky's collective of ex-England captains in the 'comm box' could do nothing but genuflect. Add Ravi Bopara to his list of Test victims. 

Beefy at least had someone to share his jokes about not training and coming in at 5am with. The heirarchy - Sky-erarchy? - revealed itself via the banter. Botham admitted Warnie to the club that contains himself, Michael Holding and sometimes David Gower. Nasser and Athers remain the butt of Beefy humour ['you'd have had about 18 by now wouldn't you Nass?' he'd enquire, just before tea]. Bumble is the mad uncle at the party, capable, like most jokers, of concealing the truth in humour.

Sky's technology is the real star of their show. Hawkeye versus Aleem Dar, super slo-mo versus Asad Rauf were heavyweight contests with only one winner.

Pimp grill

First the hair. Now the teeth*. What next for Warnie?

* The new grill is mesmerising. Surely there's an ad coming soon...

Shane Warne: Doublethink

When he was bowling, Shane Warne could convince sane batsmen that straight ones were zooters and that the googly he hadn't bowled for two years was coming up next ball. He was a master of disinformation, a consummate psychologist, an unparalleled reader of the game. You didn't just face Warne's bowling, you faced Shane Warne and everything that brought with it. 

He has a natural talent for the convincing facade, hence his success in poker. It's what will make his media career watchable: there will be what he says and what he means, and the two will not necessarily match up.

His column in today's Times is a classic of the genre. Ravi Bopara is 'a bit flaky'. Michael Vaughan is 'not just a better batsmen than Bopara, I'd put him above everyone bar Pietersen. As long as he's making runs and can run between the wickets, he'd be in my team'.  

'As with bowlers,' he goes on, 'you have to pick on form rather than reputation'.

So is Bopara dangerous or a dud? Does he really think Michael Vaughan is in form? Is this a straight one or a zooter? Can he still bowl that googly? Did he really need hair replacement? How many cards is he holding?

Ah, Shane. It's good to have you back. 

Warnie: It's all about looks

'Bopara is a good first class cricketer but he's not an international cricketer. I think he's got all the talent in the world but I don't think he's got the temperament. He can be put off his game too easily and he's too worried about how he looks'.

- Shane Warne, 18 June 2009

'I feel I am the victim of anti-doping hysteria. I have never taken any performance enhancing drugs and I never will. I have never blamed my mum. It was important to clarify where the tablet came from. It had nothing to do with cricket or trying to mask anything. It had to do with appearance.'

- Shane Warne, 23 February 2003

Merry Xmas, Warne is Over

Three tests at once, three spinners bowling. Paul Harris, Graeme Swann and Jeetan Patel. And when they weren't bowling, Dan Vettori and Jason Krezja probably were. Not a mystery ball or a doosra or a carrom special between them. 

Nature hates a vacuum, especially at number eight. The first generation of spinners post Warne and Murali look a lot like the species that the great pair had allegedly made redundant. Mendis, Murali's apprentice, is a freak not a harbinger.

So we're back to frustrating men out and keeping it tight. We're back to 2-70 and left arm over into the rough. We're back to non-spinning spinners who are handy with the bat. No wonder Duncan Fletcher was looking so happy as he inked Harris onto the team sheet ad infinitum. Ashley Giles was the future after all. 

NB: You can tell quite a lot by the commentators' reactions. Mark Taylor and Tony Greig occasionally squawk: 'Oh that turned! And BOUNCED!' It didn't really used to be that remarkable. 

Ridicule is nothing to be scared of

KP got it just about right today. Sometimes you just have to say hats off. Yuvraj was regal, even if he was wearing a girdle (there was something vaguely New Romantic about him - if only he'd had Chanderpaul's eye liners on too), and never better than with the six he hit off Flintoff towards the end. It rose like a long iron struck from a fairway bunker. His rhythm is transcendent. Low to high with that rhythm, the ball coming on and a 60 yard boundary... it's no mystery.

Warnie was on fire in his column in The Times, too. 'Brad Haddin can be as dangerous as Adam Gilchrist,' he wrote. 'He hasn't shown it yet...'

Yeah, we've got a few who haven't shown it yet as well, Shane. 

He did bang the drum for Dimi Mascarenhas, who just won player of the tournament at the Hong Kong Sixes. He's right. Who can Dimi have upset?

Yeah but, no but...

Australians are brilliant, aren't they? When they lose a series, they require their captain to face the press as soon as he gets back home. And when they say as soon as he gets back home, they mean at the airport. 

It's happened to Ricky Ponting twice now, in 2005, and again yesterday. Assuming the position once more, he said, 'I've had an opportunity to sit back over the last couple of days and think about those decisions that I've made, or that I made there and then, and even talking to other players, I'm very comfortable with the decisions that I've made'.

Shane Warne helpfully translated via his newspaper column: 'One of Rick's strengths is to admit his mistakes and I'm sure on the way home he relived every moment of the final Test and the mistakes that he made'. 

Cheers, Warnie. Thanks for that. Ponting also received some 'help' from fearless team coach Tim Nielsen, who used the high-profile forum of his blog to address the subject of the over rate: 'is it alright to break the rules as long as you win without worrying about the consequences?'

Er, hasn't stopped them any other time, Tim. You sure you're Australian? Check your passport, fella.

Meanwhile, England have been enjoying the advantages of having KP as captain. His technique is far simpler and more effective than Ponting's. He just pretends it hasn't happened. 'Oh, what, that match? That knockabout you're referring to? I'd forgotten about that. We're just focused on our controllables...'

As Ed Smith rightly pointed out in The Wisden Cricketer, technology means that today's player can no longer return to the pavilion claiming to have been sawn off when he wasn't. The truth is all they have back in the dressing room. The main arena for creative excuses now comes in front of the media. Excellent!