Phil Space: The New Understanding

Sportswriters, give it up. It's over. Not the Ashes, obviously. The Phil Space Trophy.  

Step forward Jonathan Freedland, and a quite majestic 1,227-word [yes really] Guardian odyssey entitled, 'I never understood people's fixation with cricket. Now I've joined them'. 

On 'vacation' in France [who'd guess] Jonathan's new obsession ['The Blackberry had a single purpose: allowing me, via its internet browser, to keep up to date with the cricket'] not only interrupted his viewing of 'a stunning Albigensian castle', it had him pondering 'a thoroughly absorbing long-haul clash. While a Manchester United versus Chelsea battle might be all over in ninety minutes, England's business with Australia takes all summer'. 

'The rhythms of the game are like life itself, only more so: the gods smile on you one moment, only to frown the next'. 

They do, don't they. 

Now Hayward, Syed, Athers, Selves and the rest: top that!

Not with a kiss

Rolling into the lead of an increasingly hot, ripe and purple Phil Space Ashes contest comes the Times' Matthew Syed, a man not often associated with cricket, but on this blistering form impossible to ignore.

'Romantic relationships, I am told, are all about chemistry, and watching the Ashes you get the same feeling about sporting relationships. English and Australian cricket have what is known as a long-term relationship: it started not with a kiss, but with the first Ashes test in 1882'.

Effortlessly sustaining his theme for a mere 990 words, can he be possibly be beaten?

Phil Space Trophy: A lovely lady writes

It may have been the first day of the Lord's Test, the Open golf and some palaver or other about football transfers, but the Times this morning finds a spare thousand words for Gabby Logan to reflect on the biggest issue of the day: which Ashes team is the best looking, England or Australia?

'Our boys are considerably more handsome than theirs,' gushes Gabs [no slacker in the good-looks stakes herself, I hope she'll forgive me for saying, although that's definitely not why she's got the job]. 

Sadly, a fuller analysis of England's sizzling physiques won't be forthcoming, because there are no 'tight shirts', like they have in rugby. 'It's different in Test cricket,' she rightly notes. 'Cricketers cover up a lot of their appearance, with the caps, the sunglasses and the long trousers'.

Spot on, Gabby! 

NB: Let's hope the Times offers equal opportunity to the women's game tomorrow. I mean because, that Sarah Taylor, eh... She makes Karen Rolton's crew look a bit ordinary, doesn't she? Of course, I could tell better if they were wearing skirts, but you know...