Fake IPL player goes home*

Yes, Andrew Flintoff is on his way back. And line of the day goes to David Hopps in the Guardian: 'Getting him on the field has long been like assembling an IKEA wardrobe with half of the bolts missing'.

Hoppsy has begun the season in waspish form, unlike poor Fred. Flintoff has been exposed by the tournament: purveyor of two of the three most expensive spells in what we already love to call 'franchise history', larrupped by AB and Abishek Nayar [not a sentence you get to write too often], and maker of two of the least convincing 20-odds, most of them via edges through and over third man accompanied by sheepish, shaggy grins.  

He's been comfortably outbowled by the tournament's other most expensive acquisition, KP, who, finding himself back in South Africa, has reverted to his original incarnation as an off-spinning all-rounder. How the crowds are enjoying that. Collingwood is yet to get a game. 

On the radio yesterday, Jonathan Agnew rather sniffily asked listeners to text in if they were watching the IPL. Well Aggers, plenty did, and what they're watching is the game run away from England and English players. There have been displays of bowling skill and sustained hitting that have blazed across England's dark skies like comets. Look to the heavens boys - that's the future up there.

It's safe to say that if the England T20 side was playing in the IPL it would finish bottom, which is where it's headed this summer too. Damage limitation is the best we can hope for. The best chance for that is to give the captaincy to Dimitri Mascarenhas, who is witness to a masterclass from Shane Warne, and make sure that Bopara and Napier are given their head. 

And KP? KP should open in T20. There he could think clearly about his game.

* Not that one, obviously.